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Missi Brandt had emerged from a rough few years with a new sense of solidity.At 45, she was three years sober and on the leeward side of a stormy divorce.

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Missi felt ready for a serious relationship again, so she made a profile on Our Time.com, a dating site for people in middle age.

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Among all the duds—the desperate and depressed and not-quite-divorced—a 45-year-old man named Richie Peterson stood out.

He was a career naval officer, an Afghanistan veteran who was finishing his doctorate in political science at the University of Minnesota.

When Missi “liked” his profile, he sent her a message right away and called her that afternoon.

They talked about their kids (he had two; she had three), their divorces, their sobriety.

Richie told her he was on vacation in Hawaii, but they planned to meet up as soon as he got back.

A few days later, when he was supposed to pick her up for their first date, Richie was nowhere to be found, and he wasn’t responding to her texts, either.

Missi sat in her living room, alternately furious at him (for letting her down) and at herself (for getting her hopes up enough to be let down). He’s probably at home, hanging out with his wife and kids,” she says.

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